I've been trying to remember positive things about each day in the moments before falling asleep this week. You might find this a little pathetic, but it's been good. I feel it's helped me find things easier and happier.
Today I bumped into my lovely friend Ann. Ann and I worked at the Oxfam Bookshop together for over a year and we've kept in touch. I bump into her in town a lot. Sometimes she invites me back to her house and she feeds me lovely soup. Today we went to a coffee shop and had a lovely long chat. She told me about some ghost stories that had happened in the village in France where she has a house. I thought about haunted houses.
There are, of course, many things I will miss about my life here. At the art gallery where I volunteer, I was feeling quite emotional about leaving that place and the wonderful people. But moving on is so important.
There must be change and more and more. More art galleries and more people to meet and new trees to walk under and a new angle of the sun at certain times of the day. Isn't it glorious?
Thursday 29 October 2009
Sunday 28 June 2009
what it means
I think I need another cup of something before I start writing.
...
My throat is so croaky today. But I'm got a mug of Lady Grey (with one sugar). There are so many teas to have in so many ways in so many mugs, it's almost infinite and can match all moods and situations.
Perhaps I shall attempt to keep this short.
As far as life goes, I spent yesterday at a wonderful party in a rainstorm. With wonderful people. But it's funny, when you haven't seen people for a while and they ask you the normal 'what's going on in your life?' question, I always feel I'm a terrible disappointment. I still remember the uncanny moment a friend asked "how's your love-life going?" those words asked to me were so strange. What would "my love-life" be? I don't have a love-life. In no way out of choice, but through circumstance, I have become monkish. The lovely lady I used to work at Oxfam with bought my book the other day and asked me how much of it was true. And whether the man in the book, the lover, was real. And whether I really was part-Swedish. I told her that the whole thing was fiction, but sort of fictionalised real feelings, I suppose. She wasn't disappointed, but I felt like I had been disappointing. Why have I written these things instead of running out into the world and doing them? I write about love a lot and have been there for real so few times. And I wonder, if I were in love with someone right now, would I rather write about politics?
This has become a little silly and introspective, as ever. And also, the whole thing about having this book, I don't want to feel like I'm selling out by telling people about it. But if people would like a copy, it's here:
http://tinyurl.com/edduspoetry
But it's expensive. I can only apologise.
Okay, that it all, It's so humid and stuffy here right now.
I need some of Yaffle's shorts :D
...
My throat is so croaky today. But I'm got a mug of Lady Grey (with one sugar). There are so many teas to have in so many ways in so many mugs, it's almost infinite and can match all moods and situations.
Perhaps I shall attempt to keep this short.
As far as life goes, I spent yesterday at a wonderful party in a rainstorm. With wonderful people. But it's funny, when you haven't seen people for a while and they ask you the normal 'what's going on in your life?' question, I always feel I'm a terrible disappointment. I still remember the uncanny moment a friend asked "how's your love-life going?" those words asked to me were so strange. What would "my love-life" be? I don't have a love-life. In no way out of choice, but through circumstance, I have become monkish. The lovely lady I used to work at Oxfam with bought my book the other day and asked me how much of it was true. And whether the man in the book, the lover, was real. And whether I really was part-Swedish. I told her that the whole thing was fiction, but sort of fictionalised real feelings, I suppose. She wasn't disappointed, but I felt like I had been disappointing. Why have I written these things instead of running out into the world and doing them? I write about love a lot and have been there for real so few times. And I wonder, if I were in love with someone right now, would I rather write about politics?
This has become a little silly and introspective, as ever. And also, the whole thing about having this book, I don't want to feel like I'm selling out by telling people about it. But if people would like a copy, it's here:
http://tinyurl.com/edduspoetry
But it's expensive. I can only apologise.
Okay, that it all, It's so humid and stuffy here right now.
I need some of Yaffle's shorts :D
Saturday 21 February 2009
THIS IS THE NEWS
now, I may just be crazy and procrastinating. Well, that's a given. But I think our local paper The Mercury has pretty much outdone itself in terms of confusing and terrible headlines this week. If you like news articles about women who have received incorrect post, you'd better calm yourself down now, I'm warning you, it gets wild.
I know there is a phrase "baptism of fire", which might be what they're straining towards, but that phrase is itself a tired cliché crappy metaphor. So saying "baptism of water" is tautologous. They're bending bad language back on itself to the point that it's close to snapping.
George is made of stronger stuff, apparently. Good for him.
this is three journalistic clichés strung together. And it's always inappropriate to describe anything that isn't a massacre as a massacre. Especially when it's football.
Do you have horse sense? I'm pretty sure I don't.
...what to put on page FOUR of the newspaper? RUMOURS!
...and what to put on page FIVE? Someone got a letter! Oh, what a world we live in!
this is the one that set me off. The actual story is really sad. But the headline is a classic. I think growing up watching The Day Today has profoundly influenced the way I perceive news coverage.
I know there is a phrase "baptism of fire", which might be what they're straining towards, but that phrase is itself a tired cliché crappy metaphor. So saying "baptism of water" is tautologous. They're bending bad language back on itself to the point that it's close to snapping.
George is made of stronger stuff, apparently. Good for him.
this is three journalistic clichés strung together. And it's always inappropriate to describe anything that isn't a massacre as a massacre. Especially when it's football.
Do you have horse sense? I'm pretty sure I don't.
...what to put on page FOUR of the newspaper? RUMOURS!
...and what to put on page FIVE? Someone got a letter! Oh, what a world we live in!
this is the one that set me off. The actual story is really sad. But the headline is a classic. I think growing up watching The Day Today has profoundly influenced the way I perceive news coverage.
update
have been trying to watch Mad Men on iPlayer, but it kept on stopping to load every minute. I imagine lots of people who have gone out tonight are coming back to watch Eastenders. Ah, going out drinking on a Friday night. What's that all about?
This week has gone really quickly. I haven't done too much job seeking this week, I probably should be doing a lot more. It's just difficult. I have a few jobs I can apply for in the next few weeks. Ach. I'm just sick of the whole thing. I seriously thought I'd be able to get a job within the first month after uni. It's February now. It's okay, it's going to happen eventually, it's just incredibly frustrating.
I've met some interesting, eccentric people in the past few weeks.
A retired gay dentist with a bald head and big grey moustache came into courtyard and we had a chat about him leaving dentistry and exploring the paranormal world. He is apparently becoming a medium. I'm serious. He's a real person who I spoke with, who was lovely.
And on Tuesday when I was in London with Rana, we went to the Poetry Library and randomly met her lovely friend Anna, who I met a while back and is great. She was there meeting a colleague of hers, who was another older bald man, this time an ex-neurosurgeon who currently works in psychiatry. But he actually wants to be an illustrator. So all four of us sat in the poetry library painting watercolours.
here is my effort. I call it "pyscho-sexual knight-mare. Is it you, G-d? Or are we through, Elizabeth?"
I am of course kidding. I was just dicking around with a paintbrush.
these are what the guy painted of us. I'm the red figure. I love the second one the most.
I found doing watercolours surprisingly relaxing. I've been doing a few at home. I'm obviously not going to be doing watercolours of landscapes with canals and houseboats and jolly farmers in them, but it's nice to be painting again. And I also made some more art. Some actual art! It's not finished yet, but I'm doing it. It's obviously not amazing and I don't expect it to be taken seriously, but I like it and I'm pleased with it so far. Need to buy some big frames though and they're expensive. If anyone wants to buy my silly art, let me know. I may indeed post pictures when it's done. So glad I went to the Tate the other day, it really got me thinking again. Trips into London just always revivify me, it's crazy. I see more people in one day in London than on most weeks out here in Hertfordshire. That feeling of being in a crowd is something I crave sometimes.
Anyway, have a good weekend everyone, love to you all!
This week has gone really quickly. I haven't done too much job seeking this week, I probably should be doing a lot more. It's just difficult. I have a few jobs I can apply for in the next few weeks. Ach. I'm just sick of the whole thing. I seriously thought I'd be able to get a job within the first month after uni. It's February now. It's okay, it's going to happen eventually, it's just incredibly frustrating.
I've met some interesting, eccentric people in the past few weeks.
A retired gay dentist with a bald head and big grey moustache came into courtyard and we had a chat about him leaving dentistry and exploring the paranormal world. He is apparently becoming a medium. I'm serious. He's a real person who I spoke with, who was lovely.
And on Tuesday when I was in London with Rana, we went to the Poetry Library and randomly met her lovely friend Anna, who I met a while back and is great. She was there meeting a colleague of hers, who was another older bald man, this time an ex-neurosurgeon who currently works in psychiatry. But he actually wants to be an illustrator. So all four of us sat in the poetry library painting watercolours.
here is my effort. I call it "pyscho-sexual knight-mare. Is it you, G-d? Or are we through, Elizabeth?"
I am of course kidding. I was just dicking around with a paintbrush.
these are what the guy painted of us. I'm the red figure. I love the second one the most.
I found doing watercolours surprisingly relaxing. I've been doing a few at home. I'm obviously not going to be doing watercolours of landscapes with canals and houseboats and jolly farmers in them, but it's nice to be painting again. And I also made some more art. Some actual art! It's not finished yet, but I'm doing it. It's obviously not amazing and I don't expect it to be taken seriously, but I like it and I'm pleased with it so far. Need to buy some big frames though and they're expensive. If anyone wants to buy my silly art, let me know. I may indeed post pictures when it's done. So glad I went to the Tate the other day, it really got me thinking again. Trips into London just always revivify me, it's crazy. I see more people in one day in London than on most weeks out here in Hertfordshire. That feeling of being in a crowd is something I crave sometimes.
Anyway, have a good weekend everyone, love to you all!
Friday 6 February 2009
The Yellow House (part one)
BEWARE! THIS IS MY POETRY!
This is part one of the poetry sequence I've been working on. I thought it would be fun to film it. I think there will be three more parts, I haven't completely finished writing it all yet.
Thursday 5 February 2009
Monday 2 February 2009
MOAR PICS
you're probably all very sick of pictures of snow by now.
well here are some more, WITH DALMATIANS
Shawne's wearing a sporty coat. Apparently Molly is "fat enough not to need one".
I see this flag everytime I go for a walk, it really annoys me. No-one ever had flags in their gardens when I was a kid, all of a sudden a few years ago people started doing it saying there was nothing wrong with doing it (which there isn't per se) but why suddenly start? Why haven't these people had flags up outside their houses all along? That's what I don't like. Because it was never really done until a few years ago, it seems very sneaky and suspicious indeed. It's like something has brought it on, like a bout of flu. Wonder why people in the Daily Mail belt would want to start putting up union jack flags? I guess I'm a lefty liberal homosexual guardian reader, so I'm naturally too politically correct to be comfortable drinking black coffee. The flag makes me uncomfortable, and I'm not really in charge of my emotional reactions to things, so I'll say nothing more of it.
EVERYBODY: Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky-tacky little boxes on the hillside and they all look just the same
Once again, the dog without the coat is apparently "fat"
They weren't really too bothered by the snow. Just a bit more sniffing. Poor Shawne fell over though.
Sshhhhh! That's my mother!
That old moped as been in the woods for years and years, I'm pretty sure it's given kids tetanus.
Can you see Molly's face, she's like: "Ed, what the fuck?!"
Frozen pond
Very stylish.
well here are some more, WITH DALMATIANS
Shawne's wearing a sporty coat. Apparently Molly is "fat enough not to need one".
I see this flag everytime I go for a walk, it really annoys me. No-one ever had flags in their gardens when I was a kid, all of a sudden a few years ago people started doing it saying there was nothing wrong with doing it (which there isn't per se) but why suddenly start? Why haven't these people had flags up outside their houses all along? That's what I don't like. Because it was never really done until a few years ago, it seems very sneaky and suspicious indeed. It's like something has brought it on, like a bout of flu. Wonder why people in the Daily Mail belt would want to start putting up union jack flags? I guess I'm a lefty liberal homosexual guardian reader, so I'm naturally too politically correct to be comfortable drinking black coffee. The flag makes me uncomfortable, and I'm not really in charge of my emotional reactions to things, so I'll say nothing more of it.
EVERYBODY: Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky-tacky little boxes on the hillside and they all look just the same
Once again, the dog without the coat is apparently "fat"
They weren't really too bothered by the snow. Just a bit more sniffing. Poor Shawne fell over though.
Sshhhhh! That's my mother!
That old moped as been in the woods for years and years, I'm pretty sure it's given kids tetanus.
Can you see Molly's face, she's like: "Ed, what the fuck?!"
Frozen pond
Very stylish.
Sunday 1 February 2009
pics of the snow
I think I might go out again a bit later and have a wander around the village. It's so beautiful and quiet, I love it. Also the security lamp on our shed is a great light source.
out of my bedroom window
out of my bedroom window
Saturday 31 January 2009
Annoyed!
So annoyed today! I need to see a boat-load of films at the cinema in the next few weeks, I was planning to get the bus into Stevenage and see two a day (this is actually a heavenly idea for me) but the buses are complete shit so I can't do it. I need to see:
-Milk
-Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
-Revolutionary Road
-The Reader
-Rachel Getting Married
I am actually politically obligated to see Milk at least once. I think I might go into London for the day and try and see one, at least then I'd be able to get home eventually. Plus going into London always cheers me up.
Happy last day of January everyone. I hope the rest of the year is an upward curve of awesomeness.
-Milk
-Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
-Revolutionary Road
-The Reader
-Rachel Getting Married
I am actually politically obligated to see Milk at least once. I think I might go into London for the day and try and see one, at least then I'd be able to get home eventually. Plus going into London always cheers me up.
Happy last day of January everyone. I hope the rest of the year is an upward curve of awesomeness.
Friday 30 January 2009
BINGO!
I got this from the English Arts Council jobs mailing list. I'm pretty sure this breaks a few employment laws. And I wanted to be a dry and laconic bingo caller! Turns out I'm not attractive, well-dressed or female enough.
Thursday 29 January 2009
Tuesday 27 January 2009
so one of my gay new blogs has posted this advert that is apparently running in the UK. They're really happy about it all, saying that we should all rush to buy Pepsi products and how gay-friendly it is blah blah blah. But this is my blog so it's my opinion. This is a stupid and offensive advert. I don't care if you're all rolling your eyes. I don't really feel like getting into a debate about this. It objectifies women, but hey, it's so gay[MALE] friendly! Don't really appreciate the "hilarious" facial expressions on the friend's faces as the man goes over to the other man (and stands about three metres away from him, that's as close as two men are allowed to be on television!):
ON THE RIGHT: a "comic" level of disgust. ON THE LEFT: it's a expression of absolute shock.
This is called the "comedic gay reveal". It happens all of the time. Oh, isn't it fucking hilarious, as it turns out he's one of those homosexuals! I'm so shocked! It's HILARIOUS! And we ALL THOUGHT HE WASN'T, BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE BE? THAT'S NOT A NORMAL STATE FOR A HUMAN BEING, that's why we're laughing, that's why it's funny.
Oh and the whole idea that it takes a fucking soft drink to give you the courage to come out and be gay is incredibly offensive. That is what they're suggesting, judging by his friends' shocked reactions. Hey kids, finding coming out difficult? How about a Pepsi? YEAH! THAT HELPS.
The site that linked me to this have drafted a letter of thanks to pepsi for "finally representing the gay community". Sure, we're being represented, but we're the punchline. Again. We are being mocked and derided again. And just because some small slip of gay representation in an advert doesn't mean they can get away with having long lingering shots of breasts. Fucking bastards.
I'm just angry and probably won't feel like talking about this again as the anger will have passed.
I'm this angry already. Imagine how much more fired up I'll be after I've seen Milk. I should probably issue hard hats to everyone.
Monday 26 January 2009
Sunday 25 January 2009
like you guys need any more posts from me, but here we go, I'm writing again.
went out with people on Saturday night, was really great, very unusual to go out on a Saturday night, different people everywhere. It did get a bit too crowded, to be honest, but it was still good. We left early and went back to the Mansfield House to watch Pineapple Express which was much better when viewed with friends. Oh and James Franco. He was on the front cover of The Guardian guide this week, best front cover ever, I'll take a pic and you'll see what I mean.
Watched Happy-Go-Lucky tonight. It was really good. The main character was the most optimistic person ever, she was wonderful, but she always showed a little touch of seriousness very rarely when it was needed, it was a really good performance. I just wish I could be like that instead of being so miserable and serious all the time. I have watched so many new films already this month, it's been great. Shame I won't have any more Christmas/Birthday money to burn through :C But hey, maybe I'll get a job soon. I hope I do. Today I've been thinking about training up to teach English as a foreign language. Those courses are quite expensive though. I'll look into it, I'd like to do that for a while at least. I'm reluctant to do more studying, but really, jobs are not coming up very frequently and I feel like I need to do something else instead of searching on the net every day. Teaching abroad would be really good experience if I wanted to come back and do my PhD. I'm not sure though, so I probably shouldn't be talking about it at all, just in case I wake up tomorrow and think it's a terrible idea. I just feel very old today. Like, I'm twenty-four and I haven't done enough. I haven't had enough adventures at all. The 14-year-old me would be pretty annoyed at me right now, I thought I'd be living in Berlin with a German husband or living in New York with an American husband. Anyway, enough of that. This is going to be an awesome year. Like Virginia Woolf said "something tremendous is about to happen". I'm so pleased I recorded that video. I managed to record something with other people in the house! Plus, I need to re-read a Woolf book, they just always restore me, they're like a giant giant giant bowl of delicious food.
anyway, take care everyone! Hope you all have a good week!
HERE: some pics of the Franco thing in the guide and me with my new 30 Rock calendar with thanks to Adam for buying it from America for me!
and in conclusion: THE PEOPLE AT THE GUARDIAN WANT JAMES FRANCO TO BE GAY AND SO DO I. It's okay that he's not, it's fantastic that he's so gay-friendly.
I think the final quote is a good one, when famous straight actors play gay&bisexual characters idiot interviewers always ask with a sort of mortified expression: "LIEK, OMG, WHAT WAS IT LIKE KISSING (the other famous actor of the same gender)?" because as we all know, kissing a man is scary and disturbing thing to do when you are also a man. The same for a lady kissing another lady. Dumb bastards. And anyway, it's a SCREEN KISS, IT'S CALLED ACTING! Well I didn't expect to go off on a rant, I apologise!
Here I am with my new calendar! THANK YOU SO MUCH ADAM!
This was my outfit. For that pervy American chap who said he likes men in suits. I am in love with that tie. I've had it for ages, but have only worn it twice. I think I'll just wear it more often, even if I'm just popping down the village shop.
anyway, take care everyone! Hope you all have a good week!
went out with people on Saturday night, was really great, very unusual to go out on a Saturday night, different people everywhere. It did get a bit too crowded, to be honest, but it was still good. We left early and went back to the Mansfield House to watch Pineapple Express which was much better when viewed with friends. Oh and James Franco. He was on the front cover of The Guardian guide this week, best front cover ever, I'll take a pic and you'll see what I mean.
Watched Happy-Go-Lucky tonight. It was really good. The main character was the most optimistic person ever, she was wonderful, but she always showed a little touch of seriousness very rarely when it was needed, it was a really good performance. I just wish I could be like that instead of being so miserable and serious all the time. I have watched so many new films already this month, it's been great. Shame I won't have any more Christmas/Birthday money to burn through :C But hey, maybe I'll get a job soon. I hope I do. Today I've been thinking about training up to teach English as a foreign language. Those courses are quite expensive though. I'll look into it, I'd like to do that for a while at least. I'm reluctant to do more studying, but really, jobs are not coming up very frequently and I feel like I need to do something else instead of searching on the net every day. Teaching abroad would be really good experience if I wanted to come back and do my PhD. I'm not sure though, so I probably shouldn't be talking about it at all, just in case I wake up tomorrow and think it's a terrible idea. I just feel very old today. Like, I'm twenty-four and I haven't done enough. I haven't had enough adventures at all. The 14-year-old me would be pretty annoyed at me right now, I thought I'd be living in Berlin with a German husband or living in New York with an American husband. Anyway, enough of that. This is going to be an awesome year. Like Virginia Woolf said "something tremendous is about to happen". I'm so pleased I recorded that video. I managed to record something with other people in the house! Plus, I need to re-read a Woolf book, they just always restore me, they're like a giant giant giant bowl of delicious food.
anyway, take care everyone! Hope you all have a good week!
HERE: some pics of the Franco thing in the guide and me with my new 30 Rock calendar with thanks to Adam for buying it from America for me!
and in conclusion: THE PEOPLE AT THE GUARDIAN WANT JAMES FRANCO TO BE GAY AND SO DO I. It's okay that he's not, it's fantastic that he's so gay-friendly.
I think the final quote is a good one, when famous straight actors play gay&bisexual characters idiot interviewers always ask with a sort of mortified expression: "LIEK, OMG, WHAT WAS IT LIKE KISSING (the other famous actor of the same gender)?" because as we all know, kissing a man is scary and disturbing thing to do when you are also a man. The same for a lady kissing another lady. Dumb bastards. And anyway, it's a SCREEN KISS, IT'S CALLED ACTING! Well I didn't expect to go off on a rant, I apologise!
Here I am with my new calendar! THANK YOU SO MUCH ADAM!
This was my outfit. For that pervy American chap who said he likes men in suits. I am in love with that tie. I've had it for ages, but have only worn it twice. I think I'll just wear it more often, even if I'm just popping down the village shop.
anyway, take care everyone! Hope you all have a good week!
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